


One More or One Less, Nobody's Worried

by KazooBoyTM



Series: Memory Loss and Server Reset AU [2]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Arguing, Gen, Guilt, Memory Loss, Running Away, Self-Hatred, Strained Friendships, Swearing, Sympathetic Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Tags May Change, Trauma, aka Tommy yells at Dream about his trauma, every character except dream is a flashback or mentioned, ill be honest idk how to tag this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-24 14:07:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30073392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KazooBoyTM/pseuds/KazooBoyTM
Summary: Dream discovers the truth hiding behind his memory loss, and decides it's best for everyone if he leaves and never turns back. It's better for everyone, right? Who would come looking for him after all he'd done?
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Sam | Awesamdude, Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: Memory Loss and Server Reset AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2215506
Comments: 7
Kudos: 96





	One More or One Less, Nobody's Worried

**Author's Note:**

> (Title is taken from a lyric from Two Birds by Regina Spektor, I thought it fit. Both chapters will also be named after lyrics from it)
> 
> Originally inspired by a comment by CrappyRavioli (still kinda new to AO3 so not sure if I technically was supposed to gift this as a comment of theirs inspired this)
> 
> This is my first work that's going to have multiple chapters! A bit of a sequel to A New Start, a New Happy Family (Which if you haven't read i'd say go read first, as it gives some background for this work as it strays from canon.
> 
> TW for a bunch of swearing and discussions of what Dream did throughout the story from Tommy's perspective. There is also emotional distress from Dream towards the end and some self loathing(?) and an outburst from Tommy.
> 
> Characters like Sapnap, George, Puffy, and Quackity are mentioned once or twice but don't play a huge role.
> 
> I tried to make it seem that both Dream and Tommy can be sympathized with to some extent but that who is in the right is up to the reader (dunno if I did a good job of that tbh)

Dream is exhausted.

His legs burn mercilessly from hours of trekking across the naked wilderness of the still fresh server. Most of which still appears unexplored to the eye, save for the fading remnants of Dream’s camps for each night he travelled further from spawn.

His shoulders throb from the ache of carrying the weight of everything he owns on his back. Well, everything he now owns. Only the heavy essentials earned their place on his back for the journey.

The server can figure out something to do with what he left behind. They could find someone who needs a set of netherite armor and a house. Sure, the sense of vulnerability left in the absence of netherite keeps him awake at night in fear, but it wasn’t a necessity.

Iron isn’t as heavy, but it does a good enough job.

His eyelids burn with desperation for the lull of sleep to take him away, but he doesn’t stop. He can’t. Not for anything. Not until he’s travelled far enough that nobody would ever find him. Not for them, not for the rattle of bones and undead groans in the night, not for anything.

As if anyone would come looking for him anyways.

He scoffs at the thought, kicking away a pile of bones and ash from the unclear path. It rolls down the side of a mountain and into a river, dissolving in the water and floating down the direction Dream had come. He watches it fade from view, and continues on.

A while later he pulls up his coordinates, and decides that thirty thousand blocks away from spawn is good enough for now.

So finally, he stops.

For the first time in who knows how many days because he sure wasn’t keeping track, Dream stops and collapses beside a campfire.

He’s exhausted- both physically and emotionally.

He wants to sleep. To rest and to forget about everything that led him up to this moment if even for just a little while. But the rushing memories and thoughts that led to his departure wrack around his brain tirelessly, keeping his heavy eyelids open and boring into the crackling flames licking and reaching for the rising smoke; it doesn’t help.

So he lets himself think.

He thinks of how cold many of his former friends had been, how Sam could barely look him in the eyes or speak his name and when he did it was choked with underlying malice and bitterness that Dream couldn’t quite place.

He thinks of when he confronted Sam about it while he was working on his new base. He’d watched him build in silence (and pretended that Sam didn’t pass a suspicious gaze in his direction every few minutes), until he muttered the question of “why?”

“It’s nothing.” Sam had said. “I’m just holding onto some anger. You wouldn’t remember why.”

He’d asked if Sam could tell him.

“No.” Sam answered simply, his already icy cold tone somehow even colder. He ignored every question Dream threw his way from that point on, and Dream took the hint to leave. He’d rarely talked to Sam after that.

He’d wondered what he’d done to make even his oldest friends- people who had been with him since even before the Community House, look at him like he was a monster.

It wasn’t as if he didn’t notice how Sapnap and George changed as well. They weren’t as outwardly harsh, but they were undeniably not nearly as close as they once were. George was much more quiet in his presence than he once was, rarely speaking and more so watching Dream as if he were a gust of wind; a fragile thing that could blow away any moment.

Sapnap treated him differently.

He’d still talk to Dream, but much like the first day it was more surface level conversation. And more than several times he avoided certain topics of conversation that seemed fine to Dream but Sapnap steered to a different path. And once or twice he’d even snapped on Dream, spitting harsh fiery words to Dream before catching himself and apologizing.

“You’re not that person anymore,” Dream heard him mumble under his breath once. “I don’t want to ever see you like that again.”

“I don’t want to watch him kill you again.” He’d said another time with pity in his expression. 

Dream wasn’t sure if he wanted to know who he was talking about. He didn’t remember having any canon deaths- so he wondered.

The most surprising difference however, had been Tommy.

Tommy.

He’d barely seen Tommy, and the few and far between times he had someone such as Puffy (whom Dream knew once, apparently) or Sam would act as a protective barrier and glare daggers at Dream until he left.

He’d known Tommy didn’t like him- it went without saying. The absolute vitriol that poured out of Tommy’s eyes and spilled toward him Dream couldn’t forget even if he tried.

And until two days before he made his decision to leave, Dream didn’t know just how far that resentment was rooted into Tommy’s mind.

* * *

“You’re still an asshole, you know.” Tommy’s first words to him were. “Just because you have memory loss now or some shit isn’t going to change that.”

It’s only by chance that they met here. Of course Dream had to visit Sam as he worked on some kind of redstone door on the one day Tommy did as well.

And of course they had to be left alone together as Sam grabbed some extra materials.

Both parties are aware that Sam could come rushing over to separate them at any moment and force one or both to leave the vicinity of his home.

But for now, while he’s out of earshot, either one of them is free to spill out all the venom and hurt they would like.

And now, it was Tommy’s turn.

Dream snorted out a laugh. “Whatever you say, Tommy.”

Tommy visibly tensed and sharpened at the man in front of him. “Why the fuck are you laughing?”

Dream shrugged. “I don’t know, It’s just funny.”

“Funny?” Dream isn’t facing Tommy, but he can hear how the younger recoils in his voice. “You think this is funny Dream?” Tommy’s voice curls around the word- spitting out Dream’s name like a bitter poison. And for all he knew, it was. 

“What the fuck about this is funny to you?” The volume increased with every word.

“Tommy-”

“No. I don’t give a fuck what you have to say!” Dream could hear Tommy stand up and shuffle around to stand in his view. The first thing he noticed was his face was red. Very red with fury. And anger spilled from his eyes and into Dream. “I don’t give a fuck if i’m not supposed to tell you anymore. It’s- It’s unfair! You get to walk around not knowing all the shit you did to me and how much of a manipulative piece of shit you really are.”

“Tommy!” What the fuck did Dream do to upset Tommy so much? “Tommy, I- I know you’re upset about L’manberg and- and probably some other stuff I can’t remember doing but-”

Why can’t he remember?

“Oh wouldn’t _you_ like to know what you did to L’Manberg!” Tommy snapped back. “You blew it up! You and Techno, you- you blew it up! You blew it all up worse than W- he did! You blew it down to bedrock!”

“Tommy-”

“Shut up, i’m not done!” Where was Sam when you needed him? “That’s not all no- i’m not nearly fucking done. We had to put you in a fucking prison! And- and-” he sucks in a shaky breath, and seemed surprisingly calm for having screamed just moments ago. “You killed me in there, Dream. You beat me to death with your fists, and brought me back to life just because you could. And I haven’t even gotten into what you did to me in exile. You-”

Dream could barely hear the distant question of “Tommy?” from Sam rushing toward them both over how loud his thoughts were. Did he- did he really do all of that? Did he actually become that bad of a person that he’d kill someone just for the fun of it? What did he-

“Hey.” Sam’s hand on his shoulder shattered him out of his muddled thoughts. _(Later, he notes that Sam still wouldn’t even say his name)_. “Are you okay?”

Dream flinched and stumbled back at the touch (why does he flinch so hard?). He couldn’t look at Sam- or Tommy. There’s still yelling but the words swim around him, not quite reaching.“I, uh, I need to go.” He mumbled and turned in the direction he remembers his home. Sam didn’t stop him.

“You’re a monster, Dream. You deserved everything that happened to you. You deserved the fucking prison and how you died. You were supposed to stay dead!” Is the last bitter shriek he heard from Tommy before he’s out of earshot.

Later he begged Sapnap to tell him everything- absolutely everything he had done. And reluctantly, he obliged.

He feels sick hearing about the kind of person he’d become.

And Sapnap doesn’t speak to him up until his silent departure two days later. Dream doesn’t once regret not saying goodbye.

* * *

Dream wakes up to the feeling of cold drops of water on his eyelids and a creak in his neck. The sky above is painted hastily with the dark moody grey signature of a thunderstorm, and the campfire from the night prior is- as predicted, smouldering with ash.

Dream stretches, yawns, and doesn’t waste another second before getting to work on cleaning up the camp and building himself a proper shelter.

His entire body still hurts like hell from the seemingly endless travel, but no. He can’t let that slow him down.

The closer he gets to finishing his small wooden structure, the worse the ache becomes. _It doesn’t matter._ He thinks. _It’s only a fraction of the pain he should feel after all he’s done._

When it’s finally done he lets himself rest- finally, against the splintering wooden walls and musty dirt floor. And he thinks.

He thinks about everything he’s done.

Well, supposedly done. He doesn’t remember it, and he’s not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing. But the bitterness and anger etched into both Sapnap and Tommy’s voices as they recounted crime after crime chills him still even more so than the rain that soaked him to the core.

He doesn’t remember, but they do. And that’s enough of a tell for him.

In a sad sort of way, he’s almost warmed by the knowledge that he’d forgotten a majority of his atrocities. The description of the person he would’ve become- no, _had_ become is haunting and almost unreal.

Well, except for the very obvious signs that it was.

It’s written in Sapnap’s eyes as fear, uncertainty, anger, and a flurry of other emotions when Dream makes conversation with him.

It’s written in Sam’s stone cold tone as he speaks to Dream with reluctance, appearing as though he’d rather be anywhere else.

It’s written in the calculated way Quackity speaks to him, as though he were a fragile thing that could break at the slightest wrong move.

And sure enough, he didn’t just break- he shattered.

Lightning flashes outside.

He’s laughing. He’s not sure why he’s laughing. There’s- there’s nothing funny about the situation.

It’s ironic.

This was what they wanted all along, wasn’t it? For him to just up and leave and never to return so they can finally mend and heal from all he’s done.

He wasn’t wanted there from the start. Nobody wanted him.

So it was perfect- he couldn’t hurt anyone again now that he’s out here, and everyone else would be happy, and all it took was Tommy pouring his heart out to him!

Of course it was Tommy! Why wouldn’t it be?

Tommy- the root of all the server’s problems, Right? Or was that Dream’s role?

Dream, finally, stops laughing and wipes the glassy tears from his cheeks he’d only just noticed, and breathes.

One shaky breath after another, he calms himself, and begins to accept the situation he’d stumbled into after tireless days.

He’s thirty thousand blocks away from spawn, alone, where nobody will ever find him, and he can’t cause any more damage to the server.

And he’s alright with that.

They can be a big happy family without him.

He spends the remaining daylight hours comforted by the sound of crashing thunder and rhythmic patter of raindrops sounding off the flat roof. It continues well into the night and after he’s fast asleep. He accepts that it’s going to be raining for a while. He’s alright with that.

And he accepts that, maybe, out here, just maybe- he can heal too.


End file.
